Thursday, June 19, 2008
School's over for me!
I'M SO EXCITED! i just got home from writing my last ever high school final! Biology 30 is over. and the last time i will be at evan hardy is in half an hour to return my textbooks. its's kinda weird but a relief to be done with the stress of studying. i can't believe i'm graduating! it's kinda scary but exciting at the same time. i'm so happy to be done with that bio final. i almost cried when i handed in my exam cause i was so happy to be done (ok just kidding i didn't almost cry, but i could have if i really wanted to). Now i have 3 more days of work before an amazing week of graduation and hanging out at the lake with all my friends! (oh yea so if you've told me you can come i need $20 asap for food and gas). anyway i'm really happy and excited. anyway i have to work in like an hour so im gonna go eat and play pacman cause guess what...........I DON'T HAVE TO STUDY! aha ha ha. i'm such a dork, but i love you all.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Why am i so selfish?
this past month has been the stress month of my life.
i realized how stupidly selfish i am this morning in reviewing how this past month has gone. especially this morning, God really brought it to my attention looking over the past few entries in my prayer journal.
it seems like almost everyone has been a rushed prayer right before heading off to finish a huge assignment or a rushed prayer right before heading off to school to write a final and the prayer is unfocused because i'm trying not to waste brain power or anything that doesn't involve trying to memorize how to do a certain math problem or the legal system of canada or what i'm going to say for a certain presentation.
All these prayers are filled with words like, "God, please let me do a good job." "Let my work honor you. " and looking back, can i honestly say that this prayer is honest? am i truly trying to honor him with honoring myself?
i understand that in everything we do we are to do it well, but i seem to be forgetting the second part of that verse, or at least, not applying it on a deep level. do it well, as though working for God and not for man.
how can i think of the way i've been putting so much time and effort into studying and schoolwork as worship of God when that's all my prayers consit of?
where is the prayer that for once i'm not thinking about myself and what God can do for me? where is the worship of simply deciding to spend time in the word simply because i love him and i just want to listen to him.
it's like, because my life is full of stress, the world suddenly revolves around my problems and i abuse the fact that God has unconditional love and grace for me.
Where's the humble attitude that he is God and he's willing to speak to me if i choose to put him above everything.
Father, i wish this life was easier. i wish it was easier to choose you once and be devoted to you for life. It's so hard to realize that every moment is a choice of worship. Every second i'm given is a new chance for me to choose to pick you above everything. i want to be obsessed in everything you are.
i wish i could block out the world. i wish i could be like one of the elders that Isaiah talks about, so seduced by your glory that i could do nothing but fall at your feet, knowing nothing but your spirit and your loveliness. Take me to the other side of heaven. Teach me what it means to be obsessed.
I want to give up this obsession of self. i want to give up this idea that i need to receive from you to know that i am loved. i'm so selfish. teach me what it means to be a servant father.
I love you.
I ask for your blessing, but only if you have searched my heart and you see it to be a humble request. i know i can never deserve what you give.
i love you.
i realized how stupidly selfish i am this morning in reviewing how this past month has gone. especially this morning, God really brought it to my attention looking over the past few entries in my prayer journal.
it seems like almost everyone has been a rushed prayer right before heading off to finish a huge assignment or a rushed prayer right before heading off to school to write a final and the prayer is unfocused because i'm trying not to waste brain power or anything that doesn't involve trying to memorize how to do a certain math problem or the legal system of canada or what i'm going to say for a certain presentation.
All these prayers are filled with words like, "God, please let me do a good job." "Let my work honor you. " and looking back, can i honestly say that this prayer is honest? am i truly trying to honor him with honoring myself?
i understand that in everything we do we are to do it well, but i seem to be forgetting the second part of that verse, or at least, not applying it on a deep level. do it well, as though working for God and not for man.
how can i think of the way i've been putting so much time and effort into studying and schoolwork as worship of God when that's all my prayers consit of?
where is the prayer that for once i'm not thinking about myself and what God can do for me? where is the worship of simply deciding to spend time in the word simply because i love him and i just want to listen to him.
it's like, because my life is full of stress, the world suddenly revolves around my problems and i abuse the fact that God has unconditional love and grace for me.
Where's the humble attitude that he is God and he's willing to speak to me if i choose to put him above everything.
Father, i wish this life was easier. i wish it was easier to choose you once and be devoted to you for life. It's so hard to realize that every moment is a choice of worship. Every second i'm given is a new chance for me to choose to pick you above everything. i want to be obsessed in everything you are.
i wish i could block out the world. i wish i could be like one of the elders that Isaiah talks about, so seduced by your glory that i could do nothing but fall at your feet, knowing nothing but your spirit and your loveliness. Take me to the other side of heaven. Teach me what it means to be obsessed.
I want to give up this obsession of self. i want to give up this idea that i need to receive from you to know that i am loved. i'm so selfish. teach me what it means to be a servant father.
I love you.
I ask for your blessing, but only if you have searched my heart and you see it to be a humble request. i know i can never deserve what you give.
i love you.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Yes!
Okay all i have to say is GREAT JOB LEANNE! people are posting now! everyone else who reads this better post if you love us. anyway,...i'm really super excited for going to the lake after grad. how about you guys? it's gonna be so much fun! i'm inviting quite a few people though so some people might have to sleep outside in a tent. we've got the trailer too...hehe...it's so old and dilapitated...it's quite funny really. the furniture is upholstered with this really old material and it's so...ugly...yeah. anyway i think i might be heading up there on the monday/tuesday before to get the cabin cleaned up and stuff cause guess what....i only have 2 finals! i have a whole week off before grad so...yeah. it should be a blast guys. when we're there y'all gotta try skinny dipping. hahaha.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
For marla and katie
Daddy, thank you for the blessing of friendship and for each and every person that comes into our lives and changes a piece of who we are. thank you for this blog and the authenticity and support we can find here as sisters.
"Bend down, O lord and hear my prayer,
answer me, for i need your help
protect me for i am devoted to you
save me for i serve and trust you
You are my God
Be merciful to me, O Lord
for i am calling on you constantly
Give me happiness, O Lord
For I give myself to you
O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive,
so full of unfailing love for all who ask you for help
Listen carefully to my prayer, O Lord,
Hear my urgent cry,
I will call out to you whenever i am in trouble
and you will answer me."
Psalm 86:1-7
God, i know that there are things in this world that scare us and things that bring us pain. Father, that right now, you would give comfort to Katie. Hold her in your embrace and tell her again that you have a plan for her life. You have promised her a future that is good and not evil with hope and not pain or fear. Father, i pray that you would bend down and listen to her prayer. i pray that you would give her happiness in knowing that you are near. I pray that you would give her courage to realize that you have given her a gift with the violin and you take great joy in listening to the music she makes. God i pray that the pain or sorrow or anxiety that she feels about Marla would leave her as she plays and she would play her violin in honor of the long hours that Marla had taught her and in honor of the God that gave her such a gift.
God, for Marla, we ask that you would be near her as well. God, you are a god of compassion and unfailing love and i pray that whether or not Marla knows you now, your presence would be made know to her as she goes through a time of undertainties and fears. Give her strength to fight adn joy through pain. Saviour- you can move the mountains- you are mighty to save, my God is mighty to save. God, I love that you have promised us hope and i love that one who is all-powerful and holds everything in his hand cares so deeply for each and every life. God, only you have the power to save.
I pray also for Katie, that her faith in you would be strengthened and she could grow deep in understanding of what it means to trust you adn love you even though she may not understand you. draw her deeper into trusting you with her whole heart and mind. i know you love her.
"Bend down, O lord and hear my prayer,
answer me, for i need your help
protect me for i am devoted to you
save me for i serve and trust you
You are my God
Be merciful to me, O Lord
for i am calling on you constantly
Give me happiness, O Lord
For I give myself to you
O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive,
so full of unfailing love for all who ask you for help
Listen carefully to my prayer, O Lord,
Hear my urgent cry,
I will call out to you whenever i am in trouble
and you will answer me."
Psalm 86:1-7
God, i know that there are things in this world that scare us and things that bring us pain. Father, that right now, you would give comfort to Katie. Hold her in your embrace and tell her again that you have a plan for her life. You have promised her a future that is good and not evil with hope and not pain or fear. Father, i pray that you would bend down and listen to her prayer. i pray that you would give her happiness in knowing that you are near. I pray that you would give her courage to realize that you have given her a gift with the violin and you take great joy in listening to the music she makes. God i pray that the pain or sorrow or anxiety that she feels about Marla would leave her as she plays and she would play her violin in honor of the long hours that Marla had taught her and in honor of the God that gave her such a gift.
God, for Marla, we ask that you would be near her as well. God, you are a god of compassion and unfailing love and i pray that whether or not Marla knows you now, your presence would be made know to her as she goes through a time of undertainties and fears. Give her strength to fight adn joy through pain. Saviour- you can move the mountains- you are mighty to save, my God is mighty to save. God, I love that you have promised us hope and i love that one who is all-powerful and holds everything in his hand cares so deeply for each and every life. God, only you have the power to save.
I pray also for Katie, that her faith in you would be strengthened and she could grow deep in understanding of what it means to trust you adn love you even though she may not understand you. draw her deeper into trusting you with her whole heart and mind. i know you love her.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
for leanne...
alrighty so leanne has been bugging all of us to post but she sent me a message saying i MUST have something to write about and well i guess i do (kinda) so i guess i'll write.
so you all know that i take violin lessons, i've taken them since i was 4 years old. and for the last....three years? four years? i don't know exactly but anyways i've been taking lessons for a lady named marla and she's really good and i really like her. and we've actually kinda become friends i guess you could say...but well we have a really good time every week and yeah anyways. well about a month ago now (maybe a month and a half? i suck with time) she was diagnosed with breast cancer. she had surgery and is now going though chemo and so far it's been ok but it hit me really hard. when i found out i broke down and cried, i mean, i cried in front of my mom for goodness sakes, which is something i can't even remember the last time that happened. so i haven't even seen marla since like 2 weeks before i found out she was diagnosed, as my lessons were cancelled for the rest of the year. i don't even know if i'll have lessons next year. but it's really strange, how hard it hit me. i mean, i still cry about it. people will ask me how violin is going and i say fine and then i leave and compose myself or have a little cry party. it's a little odd. i never realized that something like that would hit me so hard. maybe i'm just extra emotional? but it hurts. i can't play violin. i have played twice since i found out; once because my mom made me practice and once for worship night for youth a couple weeks ago. and i cannot explain in words how hard it was for me to play. especially when i practiced my pieces. there are so many memories and so much of marla there, and i just can't do it. i can't play. which is odd, because really i love violin and i love to play and usually when i don't play for a couple days i miss it and my fingers itch to play. but i don't miss it. well i do, really, but i don't want to play. it hurts too much to play. and i don't know why.
so there you go, leanne and everyone else. that's part of my life right now.
so you all know that i take violin lessons, i've taken them since i was 4 years old. and for the last....three years? four years? i don't know exactly but anyways i've been taking lessons for a lady named marla and she's really good and i really like her. and we've actually kinda become friends i guess you could say...but well we have a really good time every week and yeah anyways. well about a month ago now (maybe a month and a half? i suck with time) she was diagnosed with breast cancer. she had surgery and is now going though chemo and so far it's been ok but it hit me really hard. when i found out i broke down and cried, i mean, i cried in front of my mom for goodness sakes, which is something i can't even remember the last time that happened. so i haven't even seen marla since like 2 weeks before i found out she was diagnosed, as my lessons were cancelled for the rest of the year. i don't even know if i'll have lessons next year. but it's really strange, how hard it hit me. i mean, i still cry about it. people will ask me how violin is going and i say fine and then i leave and compose myself or have a little cry party. it's a little odd. i never realized that something like that would hit me so hard. maybe i'm just extra emotional? but it hurts. i can't play violin. i have played twice since i found out; once because my mom made me practice and once for worship night for youth a couple weeks ago. and i cannot explain in words how hard it was for me to play. especially when i practiced my pieces. there are so many memories and so much of marla there, and i just can't do it. i can't play. which is odd, because really i love violin and i love to play and usually when i don't play for a couple days i miss it and my fingers itch to play. but i don't miss it. well i do, really, but i don't want to play. it hurts too much to play. and i don't know why.
so there you go, leanne and everyone else. that's part of my life right now.
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