comments to big for the comment box on "Hearing from God"

oh my goodness. I am soo glad you wrote all that stuff because i've been having the same thoughts that you wrote about in my head, but i didn't know how to express them. Erika, you are such an amazing woman of wisdom through God.

Just to echo, God is not a feeling. feeling is fleeting. I remember two summers ago when i went to the quest with you- Katelynn, Grace, and Steph. the year before that was one of my first spiritual highs and i was totally ready for it again. Anyway, that week i felt absolutely nothing from Him. I was so frusterated that i didn't feel anything i talked to ally- (remember ally?) and then she, the speaker Jason and i all talked and that was one of the first times that i got told that faith is not based on feeling. I didn't quite understand that and i was still a little miffed at the fact that God seemed to be ignoring me.

Last year I was ready again for the spiritual high and although i did get some, it wasn't as earthshattering as i somehow thought God should provide for me. Now i realize that i wasn't being patient for Him. He's the one with the perfect will. He (i'm really sorry for using this) wears the pants in our relationship (LOL- sorry, okay focus erin...) When he comes to you, it is the most beautiful thing you will ever taste, see, hear, experience. But he's the one in control. He is the one with the perfect will. I had to give up on somehow thinking that he should listen to me even though i was calling out. He's always testing us. and he will never test us farther than we can go.

What i got to experience down in Mexico was nothing short of the most beautiful thing i've ever known. (i say this NOT to rub it in your face at all). I know that i keep on telling about how i got to see and feel joy firsthand. But i guess i haven't told why this joy came. in the depths of my spiritual desert, when i felt like i would never get out if i didn't get out soon, that's when something even bigger than finding joy happened. The sermon on manna gave me something more solid than i've ever felt before. That sermon was when i realized that he WILL never leave me. I'd heard it before. I'd "known" it. But i never quite "knew" it. He said through someone else, I will never leave you. and for the first time, i TRULY believed it. you need to live based on faith and not feeling. the Bible is fact. live with faith that is dependant on fact. He showed me that he loves me. even though it wasn't necessarily Him speaking, when Carrie gave that sermon, it was like God had ordained that moment from before i was born just for me and Him. I wish more than anything i could express this. I wish more than anything one of you had gotten to get this gift because it's SOOO AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL. it's not something i can tell you that you will just understand. I pray that God will show you. He's not really talking to me right now and i have every reason to think that maybe he's not there except that i know now that nothing could make me think that after what he did. i want to express this so bad, but it's not something i can express.

I also realized on the thursday or friday after church in mexico that it didn't have to be me. i don't know why he chose to give me this gift. Goodness knows i don't deserve it. But i need everyone who stood that day at church to know i would gladly give this gift to anyone if i could. It's too beautiful and i want to share it. But i also know his will is perfect. and you will get gifts from Him that i will want more than anything.

Patience is a pain. But it is written that love is patient and if you love God, be patient. He is always with you. more than anything you need to know that. He is with you. and when the time is right He will come to shower you with blessings. Keep thirsting after Him. Keep collecting your manna daily. your pain will turn to blessings.

Another thing that i want to echo that Erika said. dont' make time in your day to just sit in his glory and don't look for something big. be content in the things he brings. I went early to help set up on friday with Jeff and mylandra down to the forestry farm and they have a fishing pond out there. i sat on a rock and just listened to the pond and watched the beauty of the pond and that was a blessing. look for little things.

He gives and takes away.

He gives and takes away.

My heart will choose to say,

Lord blessed be your name.

i will pray for you who are still feeling lonely.