Pride

well, Leanne, i totally agree with that whole accountability thing and writing about what God's been putting on our hearts.
Something that i've been constantly struggling with for the past couple weeks is pride. and i guess a lot of this pride has been coming mainly from leaning on myself for answers and somehow thinking i'm smart enough to get through something without looking to him to see if its what he wants or giving glory to him. and then after all is said and done, usually i find that i'm being a totally hypocrite, or else i'm embarassing myself or else i'm on my knees looking for forgiveness from Him and from others.
like, a couple weeks ago i was walking through the field and it's just this wide open flat space by our school and God's like, "Erin, close your eyes." i'm like, "What?! your kidding me right?" he's like, "do you trust me?- close your eyes" anyway, i close my eyes and i'm walking through the field and i go for about a full minute with my eyes close and finally when i open them and i am so far off the path its kinda embarassing and i'm pretty sure that anyone behind me probably thinks i'm drunk or stupid. and i get mad at god for making me feel stupid and he tells me, "Erin, that's where i wanted you. don't you understand that? it's not about where you feel like being and how you feel when you are there. it's about following me and trusting that i will put you where I want you. and sometimes, your idea is going to be different from mine and sometimes, my way might feel embarassing to you. but you're doing it for me. and i am being honored when you make yourself look small timen and when you give up your pride.
i really want to give up my pride and i know it's a daily thing and not something thats just going to go away. i guess mostly i need to talk less and listen more. i need to actually think about what i'm going to say and ask if it will honor God. i need to serve without pride. its so hard to try and forget about what people think.
"The Lord detests all the proud of heart.
Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished."
Proverbs 16:5
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight"
Proverb 3:5-6

Father, I need your forgiveness for my pride. it's totally detestible to you. give me grace and help me learn to listen and give up this image of myself. i need to learn to trust that whatever you hold in store for my future is better than if i could write my own lifestory. Forgive me father for thinking that somehow my ideas are better than yours. Help others to forgive me too as i learn to deal with this pride. i pray that whatever comes from my mouth would be only good, and only uplifting to those around me. i want to live a life that praises you with what i say and even more importantly, what i don't say. give me disgretion and a heart that only responds to what you say and not what the world around me tells me.
I need to be still and quiet before you. here and now, i devote my mouth to you and i ask you to convict me in ANY unwholesome talk that comes from my mouth. have patience with me God and please forgive me for this stupid pride. make me fall flat on my face over and over again until i finally realize that i have to look up to you before i put my next foot on the ground. I love you God. Amen